One of the hardest realizations I’ve had as a parent is this: While I have a little one in early childhood years, I am never going to be as productive as I used to be. I’m waiting to see if this is also just true until my kid goes to college. (Don’t answer that.)
I have a one-and-a-half-year-old now, and she is busy. Walking, running, climbing, sorting rocks, asking to play in the sandbox, asking to color, asking to use her potty, asking to watch a show, playing with her toys, and talking talking talking.
I used to be busy with my own stuff, too. Taking yoga classes four or five days a week, teaching multiple yoga classes a week, freelancing for a health publication multiple times a month, taking my dogs on multiple walks a day, reading so many books, going on dates with my husband, spending time with friends many days out of the week – all on top of my 9-to-5.
As my child’s list of things that keep her busy has expanded, mine has slimmed down. I know I’m not alone in this. And for a long time, I felt the urge to try to fit my own tasks into the time I was also spending with my toddler during her playtime at home. Such as: Trying to work or work out or read or answer emails while she busied herself with something.
But that stresses me out more than just settling in and slowing down and being present with her. It stresses me out because I’m still in the phases of needing to keep a close eye on her for safety reasons (to prevent head bonks, precarious climbing, objects going in the mouth, etc.). It also stresses me out because I want to make sure I’m spending precious time with her instead of trying to do everything all at once. I know her childhood won’t last forever.
I still have days where I slip in 20 minutes of a weight workout when she’s absorbed in her sandbox, or I read a few pages of a book when she’s playing with her toys. But I’m trying to use childcare hours more effectively for “me time” and work time, understanding that right now I won’t get as much done. I’m trying to use family time hours to just be more mindful of what’s happening in front of me, more present with this little person in my world.
A few ways I’m practicing more mindful parenting with my toddler
When I take her to the library to color and do puzzles, I sit with her – and color and do puzzles.
When she’s sorting rocks on our patio, I ask her about the colors and sizes and shapes. I also just sit back and spectate, listen to the sounds of the rocks tapping the cups she’s dropping them into. (And also make sure one doesn’t end up in her mouth.)
When she asks me to take her sandals “Osh!” (off) so she can stick her toes in her sandbox and then run barefoot through the grass in the backyard, I pull my own shoes off and join her.
When she’s busy outside, I notice details around us that I want to point out to her: The black and blue butterfly flapping nearby; the pink rock she might like, the black crow on the fence.
I notice the little things she picks up and wants a name for: “Pollen,” “seed,” “dandelion.”
When else would I be doing these things, or noticing these things, in my adult life? When else would I be so deeply aware of rocks and sand and crayons and threads of pollen? Leaning into more mindful parenting hours with my toddler is helping me feel more connected to her, while also inviting me to be more present with myself in ways I otherwise wouldn’t be.
Is it always easy? No. Do I often forget to be mindful(er) as a parent? Yes. But I want to keep practicing. I want to be more present.
